Open Letter Vol.I

•April 1, 2009 • 1 Comment

Dearest Beyaki:

Before you begin to think that we are out to bash you, just know that JW and I LOVED the Beyonce’ Experience Concert. We used to watch it on mute religiously. It was actually one of our favorite past times (second to drinking Dazzle) but that’s not why we’re here today.

It has come to our attention that you and your brand are everywhere. It’s almost like we can’t escape you, and while that is great as a marketing scheme, we the American people are tired of seeing you and your yaki everywhere with lackluster performances. We loved Dangerously in Love, patted our weave to B’Day but you have fallen short with this I am… Creole Sasha Fierce disc set that you are trying to force get us to buy.

Anyhoo, to my real point… oh yeah. Let it GO boo! Whoever helped you write these songs, tell them “That Ain’t It!” and better luck next time. Also please refrain from acting. I stomached a bootleg of Cadillac Record cause I refused to place more “bengji’s” in your pockets plus, I won’t contribute to anything less than the best and your acting well… it ain’t the best boo. But as a Christian I feel compelled to tell you to Be Encouraged. Just because you didn’t sell out your tour doesn’t mean you should feel bad. Listen to your fans, embrace your love for your man and I promise, we’ll be right there to buy your records keep you from falling to Ciara and Keri (cause we know that was you she was talking about).

Be Blessed Honey,

AN 🙂

Dear Sherry (whitfield or whatever),

You=the worst possible example of Black women in Atlanta.  I still really don’t understand how or why Bob owes you 7 figures for ….wait-what did you do exactly? And to be so ostentations as to publicize your greed is just classless and tacky and THAT is not an Atlanta woman.  An real Atlanta woman would rise and thrive despite her circumstances which I’m guessing yours are a high school education and old lady face.

Next, this clothing line…She by Sherry, why?  I wish there had been thought clouds revealing what Mychael Knight really thought about your designs. And I’m truly humored by the fact that you let a crackhead steal the show at your divorce party! I think the best thing you could’ve done for the party was not show up-truly-thank you.

All that being said, perhaps u can use your stripper skills and your fashion skills and make some lil shiny junts for the Magic City girls. They got money in this recession! And they pay cash mon-tee!!! In the future don’t act Augusta in Atlanta…the natives can tell.

Money is related to class only in the minds of those who have too much of the former, too little of the latter, or NONE of either….*let the choir say Amen*

Yours in Affluence,

JW

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Sincere Apologies

•March 28, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I wanna sincerely apologize for our absence this week yall…A had a family emergency and so in order for her to be with her family and focus on them she took a lil break. And I can’t do this w/o her! Just wanted to let yall know we haven’t forgotten, we have a lotta s*** to talk about next week! ~JW

Trendspotting Fridays: Vol. 1 Toxic Vag

•March 20, 2009 • 1 Comment

JW: It has come to our attention that there is an epidemic sweeping the nation taking out men of all ages, colors, creeds, and economic backgrounds. For the purposes of exposing said issue we will focus on the most prolific examples…the trend we’re spotting?  Toxic Vagina…

Ex:1 Reggie Bush, dominated the game in college, excited the town of New Orleans especially after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, but he was taken down like Nancy Kerrigan by the Toxic Vag of Kim Kardashian.They have been dating since Spring of 2007…lets state

FACTS: Reggie’s 2006 season (pre-kim)

  • Games: 16
  • Rush Yards: 155 tot. 565 yds
  • 6 rushing TD
  • 742 yds receiving…

Reggie’s 2008 seasons (post-Kim)

  • Games: 10
  • Rush Yards: 106 tot 404 yds
  • 2 rushing TD
  • 440 yds receiving…

Proof enough? Yo but lo-key check out his ass…he could still get it

kimreggie

AN: Now this second case is a bit harder to prove because we didn’t really *KNOW* him prior to his relationship.

Ex 2: Que of Day 26. Que showed us how bad he wanted to be in Day 26 during season 1 of MTB4. He was persistant as a dancer even when “called out” about his dancing ability. Then he wifed a vag. Not that we have anything against Dawn, ok maybe we do but she has made him into a Bitchass.

Let’s quote him:

to Will: “I’m not scared of you cause you’re 27”

to Rob: “I don’t take no handouts”

to Will: “You’re not the leader!”

to Will: “You gone pray for me!!?!?!? I’ma pray for YOU!?!?!”

We’re not going to blame Dawn… but only it’s fitting.

21 Questions…

•March 19, 2009 • 2 Comments

21 Questions:

  1. Why does Frankie out shine Keyshia Cole? I mean when was the last time yall saw Keyshia even do press?
  2. Can Facebook also add a thumbs down feature? And can it also be anonymous? And can it also stamp FAIL over your profile picture after you receive said thumbs down?
  3. Ever think Common wants to give up conscious rap and just write 16-bars about Serena’s ass?
  4. When is TuPac gonna show back up and tell the world we were punk’d?
  5. Where the hell can I get some fun-dip?
  6. You think Tyler Perry is stuck in like a Groundhog Day type situation and thats why he keeps making the same movie over and over again?
  7. When is Beyonce going to stop wearing heels everywhere? We know her feet are jacked.
  8. When are we going to stop focusing all our attention on Octo-Mom & Rihanna? *You turn me off*
  9. Didn’t the pics of Kim Kardashian and Reggie in GQ make you upset all over again?
  10. When are people going to stop imitating celebs on Twitter?
  11. Is it okay to have a girl crush on Amber Rose’s ass? Like seriously?
  12. Is Matthew Knowles gonna still have business? His artists are leaving left and right…
  13. Aren’t we all waiting for Johnta, Usher, B.Cox and J.D. to do another version of “That ain’t it!”?
  14. Couldn’t you totally see Kanye being a one man fight club?  I’d bet any amount of money he has a Tyler Durden.
  15. How big of a hoe would you be with a body like Ciara’s? Not to mention her bendy-ness
  16. Is it me or does Djimon Hounsou look extra dark next to Kimora Le-ve the check card
  17. Do you ever wonder if Jay-z bagged Bey on a dare and its just gotten way outta hand and went too far?
  18. How much longer before Maxwell releases that anticipated CD? He’s touring but we don’t have  a new disc to fornicate listen to.
  19. What is it about Bad Boy that is killing “bands”? We’ve been making them for years but ain’t seen them after their season is up…
  20. Don’t you just wanna laugh in Sherry’s (Sheree’ from Real Foolishness Housewives of Atlanta) face for asking for more money and not getting it and those screen-printed shirts she calls her line? How Dreadful!
  21. And last but not least, can BET’s lineup get any more syndicated? EVERYTHING you saw on TV in the 90s and The Game are all on now…

Drunk & Hot Girrrrls

•March 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

JW: Freshman behavior isn’t quarantined to just freshman year.

Exhibit A:

dsc01049

I for one am genuinely interested in where D&HG’s friends are, and if they really like her or if she’s involved in a situation where maybe she’s being hazed…

AN: un un honey. Hazed?!? no boo. Her friends don’t respect her AT ALL. Actually they aren’t her friends period. Reminds me of a certain red circa 2007… Hope the drinks were free.

JW: I think when people have All-Access to the baby maker your drinks are free…like that’s printed on the party flyer. *sigh* to be the victim of a Kanye lyric…

There’s healing for your yaki, healing for your pain…

•March 18, 2009 • 1 Comment

So during a recent discussion about lacefronts we’ve decided that they are the demise of Black People.

Evidence A: Case and Point 1

JW: We should use a black bar over her eyes so can’t nobody sue us and say we are defaming their Character…what you think???

AN: She defamed her OWN character when she put that wig on. Prolly be walking around with that DIVA strut a la Beyaki…

JW: Well I like to use discretion…Now why people, anonymous people, like to use these lace-front wigs is BEYONd me..I mean who started this trend and why…Thing is, when did regular old sew-ins go “out” I missed that…is the lace front more DIVA-licious or is it cooler with SINGLE LADIES??? did I miss the memo?235281293STOP THE TRACK! Did you know that Aaliyah was rockin the boat in a lace front???!!! I’m a little sad.

AN: It’s so sad when bad lacefronts happen to good people.

JW: Wait…what good people did they happen to?